she's a beautiful mess.

{kacie sneaking into the chocolate chips}

lost forever, I guess.

{sugar cookies made and consumed for the festivities}

It's over. Done. They're dead.

It's taken me a couple days to process, but I think I'm okay to talk about it now.

so, hmmmm. Apparently the island is insignificant and they were trying to tell us to stop looking too hard at the silly details that meant nothing and focus on the relationships. It's about who we take with us. lovely. I loved the show; I loved that they did a fantastic job with what they had, which was nada. They had no answers for us and they never did. They sat in their big offices and giggled at us. They're smart, rich people. I'm certain if they tried to answer everything we'd laugh at them, so they gave us what they could...which was nice.

I've tried for two days to figure out the timelines and when they died and how this and who that and huh? But I'm letting go. I'm moving on. I'm sittin' in the church pew, leaving the island for good. Open the doors Christian...I'm done.

I've made my peace and have said my official goodbye to a sweet chapter of Tuesday date nights with Conan eating pistachios, speculating, scrutinizing, calling him in the middle of the day with a good theory. goodbye sweet Aaron idea that never came to be...goodbye.

Here's to questions and theories and nameless Brothers! Here's to the big cork in ocean that protects all that's good and lovely and confusing! Here's to smoke and ashes, to horses and polar bears, to fate and logic! Hoorah!!

Let us all embrace the non-sensical past and look to the future...let us finally accept that our island explanation will forever live with how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop...

the world may never know.

the end.

almost the end...

since it's Friday night and oh so close the end of my alter life, I wanted to take this moment to thank all of you for validating my Dharma dreams and allowing me to speculate and re-cap the island and all of its complexities, and to let you know I thought Danielle was smashingly beautiful as she flirted with the evil one.

I'd like to call this my last Lost post, but let's face facts. Two hours of Lost loveliness will most certainly produce a post show commentary. I mean really.

All right. So Whidmore's dead, weird. Whatever Desmond is doing in the alter world is what's going to save the island, or kill Smokie. somehow. I squealed and clapped when he walked into that jail. Yowza. And Jack's ex-wife is Juliet and Sawyer's going to see her at the concert and they'll fall in love again and everyone will remember and Daniel will do something amazingly genius as he plays his piano because that will make for a real good scene...Faraday on the piano as the camera slow-pans over all the Losties with flashes of the island and their relationships and all that good stuff that makes a good show.

Ben's fooling Smokie. Smokie told him he could have the island to himself, but then he told him he was going to destroy it. He's a lier, and Ben is mad at him. But we all know he's a tricky one, eh? They had to get rid of Whidmore somehow so they used Ben and played the Alex card.

Maybe Rose and Bernard got Desmond out of the well? Are they just living a life of island ignorance, or are they watching all of this and plotting something? Maybe they found the light source. Do they know about the alter world like Desmond? i dunno.

And that's all. Since there are no more opportunities to speculate and theorize, I am going to sit back, enjoy my weekend, and anticipate the end of an era.

I'm not watching it until Monday, so I will be avoiding all forms of media and I won't answer the phone until Tuesday. So don't call me.

Let's hope for monologues.

sniff. I'm not going to cry.

favorite recipe utensil crock.

hello noodleheads!

I make cookies a lot. Like every day. And even though I pretty much have the recipe memorized, there are some times the kids want to make them or I forget to add the baking soda or something wild and crazy happens and all things good and lovely are lost and forgotten; so I've been wanting to display my recipe somehow where it's always visible. Kind of for nostalgia, too, because cookies are a big part of our kitchen. I thought about making a cute poster or embroidering it to hang on the wall, but I have no wall space to spare.

So there I was, craving Nestle Tollhouse one afternoon and staring at my blank utensil crock when it came to me: Put it on the crock. hmmm, good idea.

{the contact paper is for another tutorial below.

Don't worry about it right now.}

Cover the surface you're going to paint

with the Delta Surface Conditioner and let dry.

I wanted the recipe to be in my handwriting,

for nostalgia's sake,

so I decided not to use a stencil for this.

I tried using a paintbrush

but the paint is pretty thick

and it didn't turn out so well.

Just keep lightly dipping the end of your pencil in your paint

and write quickly so you get your real handwriting look.

You can wipe it off and try again if you don't like it.

Now slowly fill in your writing with more paint

using your pencil or a toothpick.

Carefully "drag" the paint along your outline

to fill in your letters.

Don't get too much paint on your pencil;

less is more. Go slowly.

Don't worry about it being a little sloppy.

We'll fix that in a minute.

Now do the same thing for the rest of your recipe.

As you've probably noticed, your writing doesn't look

as clean and streamlined as you'd like it to be.

This is because the PermEnamel paint is thick

and not easy to glide around. It's kinda gloppy.

So let your paint dry for 5 minutes or so

and clean it up with an x-acto knife.

Carefully scrape away any blobs or messes,

and thin out any thick and wonky letters that annoy you.

this is a little better:

remember, you're going for a

homemade handwritten recipe look,

so don't clean it up too much.

The paint dries fast but takes 10 days to fully cure,

so don't wash it for at least 2 weeks.

{PermEnamel paint is dishwasher, microwave, and oven safe.

However, I wouldn't put it on a surface that touches food

because it's not FDA approved. It is non-toxic, though.}

After finishing this and seeing it on my counter, I thought this would be a great wedding or anniversary gift. Cover the crock with special recipes in your handwriting and pass it on to your daughter. Love it.

I'm going to put my pizza crust and bread recipe on it, too, I think.

Here are a few other ideas and kitchen stuff i love using ceramic paints:

Martha Stewart painted china.

Wildflower Mugs by thimbly things.

Stenciled Animal Mugs by Country Living.

ps. This is my basic cookie recipe; I mix it up a lot. Sometimes I use 1 cup wheat or oat flour, shortening instead of butter, a sprinkle of cinnamon, pecans. Whatever. I almost always add 3 Tbsp ground flaxseed though; it's good for you. Use a big cookie scoop and bake them at 350 for 10 minutes. Your life will be happy.

i love candy, dish.

I wanted to do something with a stencil and the PermEnamel paint, so I made myself a candy dish. Because I love candy almost as much as I love cookies. They make a happy family.

I got these little square bowls on clearance for $2 at Target, and I always pick up cool candlesticks for cheap when I find them at the thrift store. So this dish cost me $3, plus the cost of paint.

Here we go:

use a basic, non froo-froo font.

unless you have a really good exacto knife

and lots of patience.

I have neither.

let the paint dry for a good 1o minutes

and then use your exacto knife

to score the paint around each letter

before you peel the contact paper off.

I don't have a picture of this because I didn't do it,

and if you look closely at my dish

my letters are real wonky because when I took the

contact paper off it peeled off most of my letters, too.

So I had to fill in with a toothpick and paint.

Learn from my mistakes, and all is well.

Now glue your dish onto the candlestick using Liquid Nails.

Done. Now eat candy.

yes.

I went a little crazy and let him open an umbrella inside.

My sister told me a while ago about how she was watching a show with a cool family on it and the Mom said "If you can say yes to your kids, say yes often."

Hmm. We thought about how often our first response is no or not now, and we don't really have a good reason for it. So we tried for a full day to say yes, if we could.

The day has turned into a month, and I still think about it. I'm still trying.

It makes a big difference, if I can remember. They are much more willing to wait or to accept the no's when I say yes more often to the little things. They're more understanding of me because they feel like I understand them.

This doesn't mean to let them do whatever they want and go all crazy, it just means to allow yourself to let go and not have an immediate selfish response to requests. Not to worry about the mess, because {almost} everything is clean-up-able. It means to let them open an umbrella inside once in a while. no big deal, right?

I love their faces when I say "uh {this is where I pause and ask myself if I have a good reason to say no, and I usually don't}...yes, you can."

surprise. delight. gratitude.

it makes for a much less whiny household.

and sometimes broken umbrellas. but that's okay, right?

yes.

Spice Up Your Kitchen with noodlehead.

Do you read noodlehead? Anna's a cool crafty mom; she taught me everything I need to know about zipper pouches. She puts on a mean tutorial, and grows rhubarb in her garden. Rhubarb?! I love that stuff.

Right now she's hosting a week full of ideas and projects to...

It's good stuff, go check it out. I'll have a tutorial up for Anna on Friday with a cool way to display your favorite recipes.

Right now I'm going to email my mother for her rhubarb crumble recipe. mmmm. I'll share later.

dani's banquet dress.

She said no ruffles and no poofies. okay.

She told me after the banquet last night that she looked like Nancy Drew.
She was a cute Nancy Drew.

I've been trying not to say anything because I really have no idea what's going on..

but you're persuasions have gotten the best of me. Either "brother" is really dead and he released "smokie" when he went into the pit of light, or he's still alive just without his body. Meaning, he became "smokie". But "brother" has to end up hating Jacob somehow, so that's why "smokie" may be something totally different, not "brother". And "brother" has to explain to Jacob how to channel the light and water so he can turn the wheel and leave the island. Because now "brother" can't, because he doesn't have a body anymore. maybe. Difficult to follow? yes it is.

and "mother" is a weirdo, eh? Just like Lockey Smokie said to Claire. He wasn't lying. Which is why I think "smokie" still has "brother's" "spirit", if you wanna call it that, because crazy "mother" said she made it possible for him to never die. BUT, Jacob died, so she didn't really pay attention on that one. And as much as I was really loving the hour of brotherly love, I wasn't so thrilled with the vague deepness of wacko-mom. "If the light goes out here, it goes out everywhere." "Answers will just lead to more questions." Whatever lady! We've been waiting for years for this! Spill it! Or just go back to the West Wing. ugh.

Our good guy Jacob has lost some of his macho-ness, eh? Sobering.

I think "brother's" name is Aaron. Just because I'm running out of time to link in my Aaron theory. So I'll throw it in here.

everything I know i learned from the Huxtables.

We watch the Cosby Show every day after school and this episode came on yesterday.

I cried a little.

mothers week on sparkle power.

One thing I love about Mother's Day is the positive mom inspiration spread all over blog land. This is the week we get all sentimental about our jobs and our kids, and throw it everywhere. I love it. It's like blasphemy to complain during Mother's week.

One such place I've enjoyed this week has been Candace's blog, sparkle power.

She's invited a handful of mom bloggers to share their feelings about motherhood this week, and it's been great. Candace is very real, which I like. She asked if I could contribute, and I kept waiting for her to send me another email politely retracting her invitation once she realized that I really don't know what I'm talking about. But she didn't, and I'm grateful to be included.

Happy Mother's Day.

to my kids.

I love them.

something I need to remember.

Sometimes I feel like there's so much to do

I might as well just not do any of it

because it won't all get done anyways.

you know?

Then I just turn lazy and eat too much.

I always tell myself:

you'll be able to do that better if the living room is clean.

that will be more effective if you get that project done first.

you should read, but the laundry room stinks.

you need inspiration, but it's too loud for that now.

you can be better, and you will be, probably later.

I read a talk once

about personal revelation

by Boyd K Packer.

He said to begin where you are.

I loved that.

I thought about it a lot

and have it in my book of things to remember.

Begin where you are.

Don't wait for the right moment

or the easy moment.

If it needs to get done,

do it.

where you are.

be better now.

change your life now.

waiting for an assurance of success will only stop you.

begin where you are.

i like that a lot.

so I put it on a mug.

logic.

We went to the park this morning. Unknowing they had turned on the fountains. The kids played nicely on the playground, following an apologetic request from mom for them to stay where it was dry. They did fabulously, and even came to the car on the first request when it was time to go.

However. Since we've been home, Joey has used every strategy he can think of to go back to the park with the water. A million of these: "Mom. I wanna go back to da park dat had da water." "I know sweetheart. Not today, sorry." "Pwease can we go to da park with da water?" "No Joey. Not today."

So he threatened he would go on his own if I didn't give him a ride.

He told me he'd never let me make cookies again if I didn't take him.

He said he'd never eat bean soup in his life if I didn't say yes.

And then he thought of it. He'd draw on himself. Because if he was covered in x's, I'd HAVE to take him to the park with the water.

"If I can't go to da park with da water, I'm going to have these marks on my body forever. And that will make you sad."

seems logical. smart dude.

we're not going.

tomorrow is a difficult concept for a kid.

ps. I heard him tell Andy the x's on his body were all the places people couldn't hit him. Andy said, "that doesn't make much sense." And Joey said, "yes it does. because mom won't dwop me off at da water."

makes perfect sense, really.

LOST.

I don't really even want to talk about it.

Okay I will.

Sadness.

So what if Jacob never really left the island on his little trips, he really existed in both places...as will Jack. Everyone will die off {but still exist in alter world}, except Jack and Locke. And they'll be the new Jacob and Smokie. forever. the end.

Except I'm not sure what's going to happen with Desmond's island match making in the alter world.

where the whooey is rose? Bernard totally knew what was going on in his little dentist office, didn't he.

And really Jack, don't you know better than to let a crazy man hand you a backpack? duh.

Ashby Fundraiser TODAY.

Mr. Ashby was in an ATV accident two weeks ago and has been left paralyzed.

He has four children.

My friend Elisha has taken part in organizing a number of fundraisers

for the Ashby's to help with the million dollar medical bills

and with the renovations needed for their home to be wheelchair accessible.

These two bags:

are being sold

HERE

today, Monday May 3

along with some other great stuff

to assist the Ashby family.

Go check everything out, and help if you can.

Thanks, Elisha!