I'm sitting in the car ride line yesterday, contemplating phase 2 of Project Stay Awake (involving high decibels and face slapping), when Andy asks for a drink.
"I don't have a drink, Andy."
"Mom. I know you do, you're sneakin'."
"No, Andy. I'm not sneakin'. I don't have anything. Drink your spit."
"Uh, mom. Then what's Joey drinking?"
"There you go, sneakin'. He's drinking something mom. I'm watchin' him."
Then a smell of dangerous toxin levels permeates our mini bus of disaster.
"What the?! JOEY!"
As I turn around in my seat, I see Joey's lips puckered around a travel size bottle of hand sanitizer.
You know, the stuff that's 62% Ethyl Alchohol.
So I grab the bottle, with force, and splatter the stuff across my face. Which gives me a small taste of what my son has been sucking.
The bottle is still 3/4 full, so he didn't drink all 62%, maybe he just licked the top and poured the rest on his seat. So I give him a McDonalds napkin from the never-ending supply in the glove compartment, and tell him to wipe it up while I look for something to pump his stomach with.
I was meaning wipe the potentially dangerous poison off of his hands, and legs, and ears, but his gagging made me then realize he was wiping it out of his mouth. He stuffed the entire napkin in his kisser, and was choking.
So I flew over the seat and grabbed the napkin, with force, and flung more of something non-slobber-ish across my face, realizing in the gross moment he was choking on his own puke, not the napkin.
All right. Induce vomiting sounds familiar.
We make it through the line, I'm awake, and Joey's eyes haven't rolled in the back of his head yet. So I put him in solitary confinement at home to watch for behavior changes. Nope. He's still crazy, nothing unusual.
So...this morning I'm loving on a very clean smelling Kacie and she burps up a bubble.
There's generic brand Palmolive cascading across my kitchen floor, along with a gentle dusting of Comet. Joey says, "T.C. did it."
They picked my lock.
No one's safe. If it's lethal, they'll find it. And use it for mass destruction.
I miss the chocolate syrup.