i promise i lock up the toxic stuff, but bonnie and clyde here are unstoppable.

I'm sitting in the car ride line yesterday, contemplating phase 2 of Project Stay Awake (involving high decibels and face slapping), when Andy asks for a drink.

"I don't have a drink, Andy."

"Mom. I know you do, you're sneakin'."

"No, Andy. I'm not sneakin'. I don't have anything. Drink your spit."

"Uh, mom. Then what's Joey drinking?"

"Nothing, Andy."

"There you go, sneakin'. He's drinking something mom. I'm watchin' him."

Then a smell of dangerous toxin levels permeates our mini bus of disaster.

"What the?! JOEY!"

As I turn around in my seat, I see Joey's lips puckered around a travel size bottle of hand sanitizer.

You know, the stuff that's 62% Ethyl Alchohol.

So I grab the bottle, with force, and splatter the stuff across my face. Which gives me a small taste of what my son has been sucking.

The bottle is still 3/4 full, so he didn't drink all 62%, maybe he just licked the top and poured the rest on his seat. So I give him a McDonalds napkin from the never-ending supply in the glove compartment, and tell him to wipe it up while I look for something to pump his stomach with.

I was meaning wipe the potentially dangerous poison off of his hands, and legs, and ears, but his gagging made me then realize he was wiping it out of his mouth. He stuffed the entire napkin in his kisser, and was choking.

So I flew over the seat and grabbed the napkin, with force, and flung more of something non-slobber-ish across my face, realizing in the gross moment he was choking on his own puke, not the napkin.

All right. Induce vomiting sounds familiar.

We make it through the line, I'm awake, and Joey's eyes haven't rolled in the back of his head yet. So I put him in solitary confinement at home to watch for behavior changes. Nope. He's still crazy, nothing unusual.

So...this morning I'm loving on a very clean smelling Kacie and she burps up a bubble.

"What the?!"

There's generic brand Palmolive cascading across my kitchen floor, along with a gentle dusting of Comet. Joey says, "T.C. did it."

Mmm Hmm.

They picked my lock.

No one's safe. If it's lethal, they'll find it. And use it for mass destruction.

I miss the chocolate syrup.


Becky said...

Oh my gosh! What a terrifying couple of experiences you've been having!

ShEiLa said...

it's amazing the trouble kids can get into without even trying... and poor mom, she gets to figure out how to fix it.
i guess you should lock up bonnie & clyde like maybe a straight jacket???? and let the toxins go free. i am of course kidding about the straight jacket.
i panic when kids choke.

wendy said...

What is the "car ride line"?? Hey Travis drank gasoline once, when he was only a little over one year old. (his dad put it in a pop can and Travis thought it was pop,) He smelt like a gas tank for awhile. Amazing what kids can live through eh.

Elizabeth said...

I love your all-too-true stories! I laughed out loud while reading this one. I wonder where your kids get their sneaky smarts?

AMBER said...

You poor thing my heart was thudding just thinking about it. And laughing at the same time because my Cassie 4.5 has never put anything in her mouth until the other day when she thought it might be fun to eat a polly pocket shoe. I tell ya these kids are going to give us more grey hairs then.... Anyway glad all turned out okay for you andin case you are wondering we are polly pocket shoe free in all tummies now!!

Cherstin said...

My favorite part of this post is your son assuming that your sneakin'. It makes me wonder how many times he's caught you in the act! Busted!! It's all good actually. At least I know I'm not alone:)

Rita said...

I love that you call them bonnie and clyde...LOL

Poor Cally! I think the saying "never a dull moment" must be a constant for you! Those little cuties of yours do seem to like to keep you on your toes! :)

Sending big hugs your way!

AndyPandyJackaDandy said...

YIKES. My neighbor's little boy is always eating poisonous concoctions--seriously, she has called Poison Control more times than you can count. My kids haven't got too into that yet--they're more about exploring screwdrivers in outlets and jumping off things with cords around their necks... Watch out for the hand sanitizer though, it seriously can be really harmful. I got freaked about a story I read about a kid licking the strawberry kind off her hands last year...but I still love the stuff--a germaphobe's best friend!

cally said...

wendy...the car ride line is where i sit to pick up the kids from school, because i'm too lame-o scared for them to ride the bus and walk across the neighborhood.

for good reason.