I live with a ghost named Homer. He's the one who broke the banister.

Homer accidentally moved Corrie's Swatch watch from the drawer to the dresser when he wore it to school without asking, because it matched her, uh, his black stripe Benetton pants.

Homer knocked over the bookshelf, flooded the toilet, and crashed the car into the neighbor's fence. Well, okay, he was the one who knocked the gear shift into reverse, which confused me and caused me to push on the wrong pedal and we accelerated through the neighbor's fence. Big trouble. Duh.

Homer was a welcome compilation of the unexplained. A pretend real life hero in my prime. And now he's followed me here to Mother-dom.

We're pals.

Homer likes to eat the last piece of fudge pie. And all the banana pudding. And the whole bag of Oreos.

Homer forgets to check homework, sometimes.

And Homer, if you can believe it, throws away Happy Meal toys! Oh, for all that's good and junk-loving, Homer!

He dumps out cereal boxes. Draws toothpaste moustaches on his sister. And sprays 80's perfume on mommy's pillow.

Homer did it. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the smelly.

It was Homer.

Homer puts kisses in lunches. And secretly irons shirts for the busy husband. And pulls up the kids covers on cold nights.

He hides socks.

He cuts the cheese.

Homer likes to work in his shop after the kids go to bed, and sometimes makes a bump in the night.

Homer often visits his sister in Brazil. But he only tells mom when he goes; it's pretend for real ghost policy. The kids don't ever know when he's out of town 'cause they like to blame big stuff on him. But they can't when he's in Brazil.

HOmer's a frequent flyer.

Homer is milk spittin' hilarious, and does a mean clog to Kylie Minogue's Locomotion. And wears pearls when he bakes cookies. And has great legs.

Oh no wait, that's me. I get confused.

He's our family ghost. He brings balance to the force. And reminds me often that it's nice sometimes to not have to explain, but just be. Family.

Some things are okay to ignore. And some things you don't need credit for.

Homer wrote that on the wall.

With a sharpie.

scribbit write-away contest


Lindsey Rose said...

Cally, another great one! I loved it, I really tried to figure out which one of these things you were responsible for! YOu have a great talent, and are we ever getting together??

ShEiLa said...

I so look forward to these Scribbit Write-Away contest entries... imagination... you've got one!

Mamarazzi said...

Homer sounds AWESOME!

tammy said...

Homer the ghost - love it!

Natalie said...

Oh how I love this!

Sharstin said...

can I say that I love to look at your blog:> You are so hilarious--your posts make me smile--thanks for all of your sweet/funny comments :)

Scribbit said...

"Brings balance to the force" :)

Anonymous said...

can i baroow homer just for a little while?

Wonder Woman said...

I was just thinking about your last entry with the colors, smiling to myself the other day.

Love it. Love Homer. I think we need to find a cousin and remember that not everything needs blame or praise.

He clogs?! That's pretty stinkin' amazing for a ghost!!! I'd love to see video of that sometime with his fine legs......

p.s. Wasn't Clark HANDSOME last night! Those biceps!! Don't know if I'll be able to stand him in reporter clothes!!! Getting a little over heated, now thinking about Chandler Bing......

Cherstin said...

My little ghost is named "NOT ME" and he also likes to write things on the wall with a sharpie. However, his scribbles are not as helpful.

cally said...

lindsey, most all of them. HOmer's got my back.

Except the bookshelf. Still a mystery.

Child Family said...

um, i thought I drove through the neighbor's fence... You pulled out of the garage with the car door open and bent it backwards, right?? or am I confused.... I DID have a rather mixed-up childhood (to put it kindly). maybe I'm remembering dumb things i did... that i DIDN'T DO... i need more therapy.

AndyPandyJackaDandy said...

The last line is what drove me to comment. Great. :) And I don't remember the car incident--when did that happen? Even if it was Cassy? :)

cally said...

cassy, you drove the brown van through a couple things. I reversed the NOVA through the Mobley's fence in colorado, and Laura tried to jump out of the moving vehicle (like she was in danger or something) and broke the door.

I backed into the garage door in Ohio, but I didn't think I told anyone about that. So I don't think your memory is the one I'm thinking about.

It was HOmer.

ShEiLa said...

I just realized...
it must have been Homer that backed my car into something???? It couldn't have possibly been my son that had my car for several months... cause he would have told me about it before he gave it back... right??? NOT! I found out on my own... so it must have been Homer.

The Coatney's said...

pick me. i linked. please. i keep begging.

Mia said...

I love your stories! We call our ghost ya-hoodie.

av無碼性愛 said...