I slept well last night, knowing there would be no little ants in my kitchen this morning. So you can imagine my...well...HORROR to flip on the lights with bagels on my mind and see tiny black specks feasting upon the crummy broom escapees of last nights dinner.

I hate them. I hate them all.

I growled a nasty growl, and went for my can of pretend Anthropod KIller...which I am angry with.

Dani was observing my rampage while making apple juice for her brothers. Once I sat back, with heavy breathing and an early morning masacre well done ...Dani says...

"Mom, those are probably scientist ants who came here to study cruelty of humans, but instead found a nice house who left snacks. Then you come along and destroy all their hopes, their dreams, and their research."

"I don't care what kind of ants they are. They're dead"

Jake pipes in..."Yeah. Now when Andy wants to watch Bug's Life, he can't, because you killed them all."

Dani..."No, Jake. They made the movie before mom murdered 'em."

She suggested we make a home for them in our garage...with food...and a tunnel. So they can be with their families.

Blah Blah Blah.

She was putting a face on my victims. No sir, little girl.

Dani passed the glasses of apple juice she had poured around the breakfast table, raised her glass and cried, "To the Ants!"

And they drank. United in a cause. For dirty anthropods.

I hope some of those creepy filthy home-wreckers survived to go tell their friends that Momma's comin'. Ooooh yeah.

They're shakin' in their little picnic wreckin' boots.


Unknown said...

SO cute...you have turned all of your children into prodigy thespians. Love it. Your brother will be so proud..your whole crazy creative family will be proud.

You may have a gorgeous home, but I have never had one critter get into mine....so, see, it does all even out. There is no reason to compare...be grateful for what you got, and on the days that I am down, I will think of the fact that my children have a mother who is NOT an ant killer! :)

Mia said...

I am an ant killer right there with you! Insects just don't belong inside.

ShEiLa said...

This is a fabulous story as well. The true stories are the best... and kids are so funny. If an ant bites them, their tune changes.
How could you let something like this happen, MOM?????
toodles, Sheila, NV