you're rambling again. something about validation and timing and stuff, i think.

When you're having babies, that's just what you do. You can sneak in a movie now and then, but pretty much, that's it. You're growing a family. And you're happy with that.

Then when they're all here, and you're family's finished (you think), you go into Maintain Mode. The million bagillion to-do's that come with this part of the party take over your brain. You can see a matinee, maybe. If you can relax.

Keep them alive.
Keep them in sight.
Keep them healthy.
And then teach them something.

And you're happy with that. Because you love them so much, and because you're so grateful to have been trusted with the job. That makes you feel humble. And motivated. And tired. Sometimes.

A lot of the times.

Most of the time.

Because they jump off tables.
And they talk to strangers.
And they eat nasty stuff.
And you're not the only one teaching them something.

Then, they start to pour their own cereal. And you try to squeeze in a good chic flick or two...you know, with all this extra time you have. Because you're really sick of that sneaky fox.

And you see a little bit. Of you. And you remember you like stuff...other than pb&j. You kind of want to do something else. Not too much though, because you still love them, a lot, and wouldn't want to be anything more than their Mom.

But you do, a little

So you do just a little.

You put together a blueprint of a nice dream. And go to the movies. And eat steak for dinner.

It's okay because it's important to do something for yourself, sometimes, and you like personal validation, and you're teaching you're kids something...to be creative and to follow their dreams and to work hard. But they learn that "i'm busy" is more important than CandyLand.


And even though it's kinda nice to have an adult want to sit next to you at the lunch table...you're not cutting their apples into french fries anymore, which doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is because you're not doing it. And you're sitting by someone else.

And you're still tired.

And you want to help them reach the Frosted Flakes.

So, even though you're really sucked in...you walk out of your movie. Because you forgot to buy bandaids.

You can see the ending tomorrow.

And then you write about all of it while your son is spitting chocolate milk on your bay window. You write about how tired you are, and how you need to be more Mom today, and how you learn that it's okay for the dream to come tomorrow.

Right now, you're going to enjoy the pb&j.

because i like it.


Unknown said...

We often let the kids rent the five for five at Food City on the weekends. LG and I will try and get one just for us, but it seems more often than not we never get the time to watch ours.

Oh, but I am so validated when LG is always sad when I have to take the movie back before the deadline.

At least we are in on this together.

A lot of single parents don't even have that.

Rita said...

Um...alright...you needed a kleenex warning at the start of your post because it just made me cry!

As much as we want and know that we need our time to ourselves...being a Mommy always wins. And I do think the things that are the most monotonous or frustrating some days are the things we will be missing before we know it.

I realize I don't know you that well -- but it's quite obvious that you are a great Mom!

AMBER said...

Oh my friend how you sum it up just perfectly. I love reading your ramblings it makes me feel like well like a really not alone mom. Tks babe you are a godsend.

Mama Cher, Ok, fine, it's Sharon said...

I wish my ramblings were as poetic as yours. Love this post.

Anonymous said...

Amen, sista! But why the guilt? Seems I just can't ever shake it! Anyway, do you sit down knowing you are going to write something beautiful real quick? You should be published!

Wonder Woman said...

Hi. I'm a friend of beeswax, here for the first time because of a SUPER clever counting crows comment. Way to go.

I love this. You put it all so well. And how while you're writing about needing to be a better mom and spend more time with your kids, one's spitting chocolate milk on the bay window. (I almost spit MY milk on the monitor!!)

It's so true. You try to find balance....and realize that it's always a balancing act. Just when you think you're REALLY getting into/good at whatever it is, you realize you're starting to go over the edge. Gotta back up and refocus.

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart.

Cherstin said...

I love you Cally. You write how I feel. And I'm feeling like a bad mom today. You help to put things in perspective for me. That's why I am addicted to you and your wonderful blog.

hear.t. and hue said...

just came to your blog for the 1st time & love it. first of all your work is perfect. i love that it's primitive looking - but a "new primitive" if there is such a thing. it's updated & adorable. :) i loved everything i saw.

and that post was just awesome. made me cry, too. you put into words all my own crazy thoughts & what pretty much goes on in my household. :)

p.s. i always make an extra pbj for myself, too! and sometimes for dinner i lay chicken nuggets across a hotdog bun. not kidding.

Unknown said...

Yes, you so sum it up perfectly...I don't think I have ever watched a grown up show or movie all the way through in the least 13 years.
And I just remembered to put bandaids on my grocery list! Yur a life saver.

a wynn wynn situation said...

wowza- that was amazing. thank you for posting something so meaningful that resonates with my inner mommy vibe
And btw- your blog is like candy for the eyes with all the colors and pictures. just yummy-