4.24.2008

kick it in the rear, and move on

I finally convinced myself to get out of bed. Frosted Flakes for all, made my to-do list, crossed stuff off my to-do list, got the kids to school, swept the floor, washed Kacie's leaky diaper sheets, taught Andy Dog how to bark the abc's with a bone in his mouth, finally settled on Tom & Jerry, made Rachel's little quilt, wished I would've spent more time making Rachel's quilt, swept the floor, changed some diapers, played hunt for the red Connect Four pieces, you can skip all this if it gets too monotonous, convinced Joey that pants are an integral part of the daily ensemble, thought about washing the swept floor, stared at the laundry, took out the cream cheese to soften for more oreo truffles, vaccumed, closed my eyes and imagined I was sleeping, put Kacie down for a nap, oh - put Kacie's sheets on her crib, put my reciepts into the budget (mvelopes.com), took the scenic route and stopped by Designmom (short posts, great for a quick trip), and this is where I get to my point...

I cannot pause the day for a "quick trip". One friendly visit leads to another, and before you know it, you're confronted by this evil distraction named i wanna. i wanna go to DisneyWorld. i wanna be invited to a Mom Blogger Mixer. i wanna be a Guest Mom. i wanna quilt like that, i wanna take awesome pictures, i wanna win a sewing machine, i wanna design fabric, i wanna be a fun mom, i wanna have zero laundry piles....yadda yadda....

Kacie's quiet. Andy's busy with a game. Joey's...uh...where's Joey...stuffing Dani's modeling clay down her Littlest Pet Shop gerbil tube. This will have to wait, I may have an opportunity to shower. Creative thinking, Joey. Now come sit in the bathroom while I shower. The lack of lather in my shampoo makes me wonder if there is a blog critique-er (uh, critic maybe). Practice my American Idol exit interview while drying my hair (poor Carly), write the brilliant post that will get into the Wall Street Journal, and think...

Why do i wanna? I've already got. It may be different than what they've got, but it's mine; I don't have to invite comparison to my party. Just acknowledge the jealousy, kick it in the rear, and move on, eh?

I don't enjoy my self-centered, insecure, needy side; but this is it. Monotony is boring. i wanna break. No, that's not it. I can take a break, that's a martyr excuse. It's not about DisneyWorld; i wanna be rewarded. i wanna be validated. It sounds so Oprah. But this is it.

So I made some cushion tents, crossed more off the to-do list, and came here. Because the pride and jealousy always become so painfully and regretably obvious once I verbalize it. And hobbies are where I take my break.

These moments come and go, luckily. They have to be only moments. Little reminders of gratitude. Once you move on, it doesn't matter so much, and you remember.

i wanna enjoy the doing, not the getting it done.

i wanna play CandyLand. And eat some truffles.

7 comments:

mer said...

you are so not alone in this. and the funny thing is some of us have to stop thinking about how we "wanna be" just like you so we can feel good about ourselves. :). Grass is always greener...literally in mine and your case... ;)

Mia said...

I agree, there is a part of me (larger than I would like to admit) that wants to be rewarded and validated too. I try to acknowledge the jealousy and move on. Some days I am better at it than others. Your post was a great reminder that we really should be enjoying the doing. And just for the record, I wanna be just like you too!

Coatney Family said...

Oh, it feels so nice that we are all so similar. Just some a lot more talented, wonderful and amazing. Yes you cally. I've always pumped Katie for info on you so I can try to mimic. You are so amazing in so many facets and will definately get your great reward someday. Nothing is better than being a great wife and mom, which you are. In the meantime i will quit placing Calico orders so you can relax for a second.

Alice Wills Gold said...

All I ask of you (after AI with Andrew Lloyd Weber) is this...did you WANNA have no piles of laundry like me? he he...just so you know...which I am sure that you do...my piles are back...and just so you know which I am sure that you do, I only want to be 1/2 like you....I could leave your really good crafty sewing girl behind...she is too much pressure for my shell...

But, on a serious note, I get it...i know that you know that I get it because we have talked about it.

Don't worry the downside of blogging is I wanna, but here you are, you've found the upside....all your blogging friends are here to tell you that you don't need to wanna...we love you just the way you are. - even when your days are better than ours and especially when your days are worse!

Sheila said...

I can't leave a comment on your blog any better than Alice did...
I look at your blog and think, how does she do it all? Thinking back to when my kids were small, I got a whole lot more accomplished in a day...or so I thought, maybe it felt like more because the responsibility for others, my children were just so important, plus it wasn't just me, it was four plus me. Thanks for sharing YOU today with all of us that have been there. Enjoy the doing because there is no sense of accomplishment when there is nothing left to do. toodles, Sheila

Melissa said...

Why, yes, there IS a blog critique-er...it's http://www.chic-critique.com/. I think you can write in asking about products that you would like them to review, or you can be a guest reviewer, too!
And once you've figured out how to not wanna, let the rest of us know, will ya? :o)

Roses Are Red, Violets are Violet said...

Oh the irony of this post...because I spend many-a-day saying "I wanna be Cally with all her craftiness....whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

LOL

Thanks for the reminder about the "grass always being greener..." So true! (But-- I do still wannaaaaaaaa be you, you know.)

:-)