kick it in the rear, and move on

I finally convinced myself to get out of bed. Frosted Flakes for all, made my to-do list, crossed stuff off my to-do list, got the kids to school, swept the floor, washed Kacie's leaky diaper sheets, taught Andy Dog how to bark the abc's with a bone in his mouth, finally settled on Tom & Jerry, made Rachel's little quilt, wished I would've spent more time making Rachel's quilt, swept the floor, changed some diapers, played hunt for the red Connect Four pieces, you can skip all this if it gets too monotonous, convinced Joey that pants are an integral part of the daily ensemble, thought about washing the swept floor, stared at the laundry, took out the cream cheese to soften for more oreo truffles, vaccumed, closed my eyes and imagined I was sleeping, put Kacie down for a nap, oh - put Kacie's sheets on her crib, put my reciepts into the budget (mvelopes.com), took the scenic route and stopped by Designmom (short posts, great for a quick trip), and this is where I get to my point...

I cannot pause the day for a "quick trip". One friendly visit leads to another, and before you know it, you're confronted by this evil distraction named i wanna. i wanna go to DisneyWorld. i wanna be invited to a Mom Blogger Mixer. i wanna be a Guest Mom. i wanna quilt like that, i wanna take awesome pictures, i wanna win a sewing machine, i wanna design fabric, i wanna be a fun mom, i wanna have zero laundry piles....yadda yadda....

Kacie's quiet. Andy's busy with a game. Joey's...uh...where's Joey...stuffing Dani's modeling clay down her Littlest Pet Shop gerbil tube. This will have to wait, I may have an opportunity to shower. Creative thinking, Joey. Now come sit in the bathroom while I shower. The lack of lather in my shampoo makes me wonder if there is a blog critique-er (uh, critic maybe). Practice my American Idol exit interview while drying my hair (poor Carly), write the brilliant post that will get into the Wall Street Journal, and think...

Why do i wanna? I've already got. It may be different than what they've got, but it's mine; I don't have to invite comparison to my party. Just acknowledge the jealousy, kick it in the rear, and move on, eh?

I don't enjoy my self-centered, insecure, needy side; but this is it. Monotony is boring. i wanna break. No, that's not it. I can take a break, that's a martyr excuse. It's not about DisneyWorld; i wanna be rewarded. i wanna be validated. It sounds so Oprah. But this is it.

So I made some cushion tents, crossed more off the to-do list, and came here. Because the pride and jealousy always become so painfully and regretably obvious once I verbalize it. And hobbies are where I take my break.

These moments come and go, luckily. They have to be only moments. Little reminders of gratitude. Once you move on, it doesn't matter so much, and you remember.

i wanna enjoy the doing, not the getting it done.

i wanna play CandyLand. And eat some truffles.